Market Power

Happy Ides of March

 

The Worst Gig

“One of the most memorable ones we played was up in Wisconsin called Nudestock. It was a nudist colony. Foreigner was on the bill and Alan Parsons. But you expect up in Wisconsin there'd be all these beautiful blonde women. But the reality is never what you imagine. You get there and it looks like you walked into a Piggly Wiggly grocery store and suddenly everybody was naked. And you're standing there playing and there's some guy with a baseball hat and tennis shoes standing in front of you, wiggling around and playing air guitar with his pecker swirling around. It bothers you.” — Rich Williams, Kansas

Gack.  From the Worst Gig... link here.

I played in a metal cover band in Sioux City, Ia. in the mid 80's - Paralyzed.  We didn't have any really bad gigs, unless you want to count playing in empty bars in the middle of nowhere Iowa.  Then again, nowhere Iowa was never much of a metal hotbed.  

In any event, I remember coming back from a break at the Silver Dollar Salloon in Sioux City and a biker was talking to our drummer, making him nervous.  When our drummer came up to the stage, he told us we needed to play Ted Nugent.  But, we explained, the next song wasn't a Nugent tune, probably something on the order of an Iron Maiden or Black Sabbath tune.  Then our drummer, 15 years old and panicked, told us "we fucking have to play Nugent" or the biker was going to "kick his ass."  So we played Nugent.

Then there was the gig in Hartington Nebraska on Christmas Day 1984 where a guy in the audience pointed at our drummer, pointed at his own beer, then pointed back at our drummer, and then crushed the can on his own head.  I don't think he liked us much.

Link via Newmark's Door.

Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Inductees

The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame has announced its newest inductees, a list that includes Neil Diamond, Tom Waits, and the Alice Cooper Band.  

Still no Rush, Iron Maiden, Deep Purple, Judas Priest, Heart, Kiss, Cheap Trick, Def Leppard, etc.  What's the eligibility criteria?

To be eligible for induction as an artist (as a performer, composer, or musician) into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, the artist must have released a record, in the generally accepted sense of that phrase, at least 25 years prior to the year of induction; and have demonstrated unquestionable musical excellence.

We shall consider factors such as an artist's musical influence on other artists, length and depth of career and the body of work, innovation and superiority in style and technique, but musical excellence shall be the essential qualification of induction.

Ah, now I see why Rush, Iron Maiden, the Priest, etc. aren't in yet.  Wait.  What?

Sharon Osbourne Interview

The Guardian's Stuart Jeffries interviews Sharon Osbourne.  One lesson I learned:  don't mess with Mrs. Osbourne. 

The Fall of the Berlin Wall: Winds of Change

Growing up in the potential firing line between the US and the USSR, the members of the metal band the Scorpions had special reason to celebrate the fall of the Berlin Wall.  Here is a video of their classic ballad Winds of Change which is about this historical event.

Here is the original video.

It's important to remember that this song, recored in 1990, is about this moment in history written from that moment in history.  It is a song about hope and the dismantling of the the dark shroud that destroyed the hope of millions of people in Eastern Europe:  the Iron Curtain.

Markets in Everything: KISS Potato Heads

Say what you want about their music, but the members of KISS have never shied away from trying to make a buck and giving their fans something in return.  This time it's the KISS Potato Heads.  

They'll  look great next to the Kiss plush toys .  Just in time for the holidays.

Taking the Fun out of Headbangers' Ball

Now they tell me!  From the British Medical Journal:

ABSTRACT
Objective To investigate the risks of mild traumatic brain injury and neck injury associated with head banging, a popular dance form accompanying heavy metal music. Design Observational studies, focus group, and biomechanical analysis.

Participants Head bangers.

Main outcome measures Head Injury Criterion and Neck Injury Criterion were derived for head banging styles and both popular heavy metal songs and easy listening music controls.

Results An average head banging song has a tempo of about 146 beats per minute, which is predicted to cause mild head injury when the range of motion is greater than 75°. At higher tempos and greater ranges of motion there is a risk of neck injury.

Conclusion To minimise the risk of head and neck injury, head bangers should decrease their range of head and neck motion, head bang to slower tempo songs by replacing heavy metal with adult oriented rock, only headbang to every second beat, or use personal protective equipment.

Personal protective equipment?  Like this? 

Here is the conclusion.

Possible interventions to reduce the risk of injury caused by head banging include limiting the range of neck motion through a formal training programme delivered before a concert; substitution of adult oriented rock and easy listening music such as the controls, or others including Michael Bolton, Celine Dion, Enya, and Richard Clayderman, for heavy metal; and personal protective equipment such as neck braces to limit range of motion. Future research will involve neuropsychological testing of concert goers to validate the modelling presented in this paper, and randomised controlled trials of musical substitutes.

Michael Bolton, Celine Dion, Enya, and Richard Clayderman (who the hell is Richard Clayderman?) has to be the colace of headbangers. 

I can see the following conversation:

Headbanger 1:  I've got a headbanging injury from that Megadeth show.  I'll be out of action for 2 weeks.
Headbanger 2:  Dude.  That sucks.  What did the doctor prescribe?
HB 1:  Michael Bolton and Celine Dion.
HB2:  Awww, duuuuuuuude.

HT my friend Dave.

Adrian Smith's Guitar Stolen in Athens

You don't steal a man's axe.  It just isn't right.

The band posted a plea on its website hoping to trace the Jackson guitar which belonged to Adrian Smith.

The guitar, which was a unique white 'Adrian Smith' signature model, vanished during a show in Athens on Saturday night.   

It is the only one of its kind and contains the guitarist's own signature on the headstock.

In a message on the website, the group said: "Adrian's new Jackson guitar was stolen after the show in Athens on Saturday night.

"Can all Maiden fans please be on the lookout for the guitar.

"It will be extremely hard to get rid of as it's the only one in the world.

Anyone who finds the guitar will receive an Iron Maiden tour jacket as a reward and a hand-written letter of thanks from Smith.

That's from the Telegraph.  From the Iron Maiden website.

Can all Maiden fans please be on the lookout for the guitar.
It will be extremely hard to get rid of as it's the only one in the world.
There will be a reward of a Maiden tour jacket and I'm sure a hand written letter of thanks from Adrian for anyone with information leading to the recovery of the guitar.

DESCRIPTION:
JACKSON STRAT COL. WHITE ADRIAN SMITH SIGNATURE MODEL, WHITE SCRATCH PLATE
EBONY FRETBOARD
ADRIAN SMITH SIGNATURE ON FRONT OF HEADSTOCK
HUMBUCKER BRIDGE PICK-UP
TWO SINGLE COIL PICK-UPS
RECTANGULAR BLACK MOULDED JACKSON GUITAR CASE.

The serial number of the guitar is 8467

The stolen axe is pictured below.

Brother Metal

This man did not sell his soul for rock and roll.

You're In the Jungle, Baby!

This belongs in the News of the Weird (via Fark):

A school custodian's impromptu after-hours karaoke performance prompted a police response when a teacher thought she was being threatened over the loudspeaker.

State police say a teacher at Booth Free School barricaded herself inside a classroom Wednesday when she mistook someone singing a Guns N' Roses song over the public address system for a threat.

...She was working after hours and thought no one else was in the building. Then she heard someone say over the loudspeaker that she was going to die.

What if they were singing this by the Misfits?